Author: This is very abstract. A philosophical essay like this only works as a blog post when it is chock full of revealing examples.
Hmmm…. when I got this statement back from my Editor, I had to own it. But then nothing says I can’t post it on my own so I can ask you if you can catch my drift without it being “chock full” of dumbed-down examples and explanations. I bet you can use your mind and your own life experiences…. I think you are smart enough. Here is the article…
Over the past two years I have been trying to judge less and remain honest more. A natural progression (the desire to be honest that is) as I started to have more in depth discussions with my oldest son about karma and what behaviors are right and wrong. You have to practice what you preach, right?
The Law of Attraction contends that what you put out in the universe you get back so there is more gravity to an off color comment or a snarky discussion about what you don’t like about someone than one would think. Does it make us feel better when we “goof on” other people? Is it used for humor or for a does it go way deeper into the games people play to “win friends and influence people.” Is it necessary?
Despite being more mindful, I admit I haven’t always been successful. The fine line between what is my opinion and what is my judgment is constantly being self scrutinized now. And when I do maintain my focus on honesty and the conversation around turns into a dissection of a person’s parenting style or their wardrobe, how do I politely excuse myself from the conversation without implying that I somehow superior? As you can tell, I am still striving for harmony.
Since searching for the right words is my challenge when the conversation heads towards gossip, I try to withdraw. Talk to anyone who knows me and quiet is not one of their descriptions of me. At least until they really get to know me. And then they’ll tell you when I am quiet I am seriously contemplating something. Trying to discover how I honestly feel before I say something I’d rather not.
Confrontation is not one of my specialties but I am searching for a voice that will maintain a sense of self respect and respect for others. Extending to all aspects on my life, I am slowly but surely using my true voice for the first time in my whole life. Saying no. Breaking unhealthy ties. Standing up for myself. And instead of a cleansing feeling like a cool shower after a long run, it feels like waves of guilt and discomfort. I am really upsetting the apple cart here.
… now is that so hard to understand?
I really enjoyed the article actually but think it would be even better with a few examples. In my o-so-humble opinion, I think sometimes when an article is “deep” the reader gets sidetracked by a lot of words and drifts. The examples or stories are the glue that keep us entrenched throughout the whole piece. They act as a resting spot. I’m not a writer by any means, but glad to share my thoughts. Thanks. Robin
By: Robin on December 5, 2008
at 12:19 am
I completely understood and I think you have a fabulous view of trying to uphold the person that you wish to be.
By: Crooked Eyebrow on December 5, 2008
at 12:43 am
Excellent introspection, Jen!! You are not only on the right path, you have traveled far. I realize it might not feel this way currently, but you are well ahead of the game, my dear friend. What is the difference between opinion and judgment? I can tell you, but will intellectual knowledge actually satisfy your emotional need? Doubtful, but I offer these thoughts nonetheless: Judge behaviors, never people. And you must judge behaviors in order to survive. Incidentally, all thoughts are beliefs; there is no significant difference in your brain between a thought and an emotion, you simply perceive them differently.Were those thoughts sufficient? If you want to experience the answer your are seeking rather than simply substituting my judgment for yours, please look at the process for answering that question I have posted on my website, http://www.KarenLifeCoach.com, under the Better Communication Technique tutorial. Oh by the way, you won’t find the answer there, just a process. You must learn it and practice it relentlessly. I realize that it might be very difficult to learn at first, so I will offer classes beginning in January. But whether you learn it on your own or take a class, when you master the technique, you will have taught yourself the answer, which is far more effective than learning it from me, and you will then lose the guilt and the discomfort. Keep going down this path, Jen- you truly are a runner!
By: Karen Heart on December 19, 2008
at 1:59 pm